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-=[ Why did the chicken cross the road]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: Entertainers (3a) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road?

Dan Aykroyd: Stay here on the outer limits of the dead end zone? Nothing personal, but life at the end of the road just ain't for Captain Vic and his chicken. Sorry folks, but you can color us gone.

Woody Allen:

(1) I mean, it was, it was... a chicken... of legal consenting age. It wasn't like it was my REAL daughter or anything. The heart wants what it wants. (And don't believe anything that Mia says about me.)

(2) There is a cultural advantage to crossing the road.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Jack Benny:

(1) I'm thinking. ... I'm thinking.

(2) She was no spring chicken.

Edd Byrnes (Kookie): To borrow my comb.

James Cagney: He crossed twice. The dirty double-crosser.

Eddie Cantor: To make whoppie

Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon:.

Johnny Carson: Let me tell you, it was so cold at that farm...

Ed McMahon: How cold was it?

Johnny Carson: It was so cold, that the chickens were mugging the sheep to get wool for sweaters!

Cheech (or Chong): Just to be there, man.

Julia Child: Obviously the chicken tried to cross the road to get away from the likes of meself and my impeccably sharp cleaver!!! Take that, bird!! Wack!

John Cleese:

(1) Because it was very silly.

(2) This isn't a chicken license, you know! It's a dog license with the word "Dog" crossed out and "Chicken" written in in crayon.

(3) This Chicken is no more. It has ceased to function. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's a stiff. If it wasn't nailed to the road it'd be pushing up daisies. It's snuffed it. It's metabolic processes are now history. It's bleeding demised. It's rung down the curtain, shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible. This is an Ex-Chicken.

(4) Manuel from Barcelona: "Que? "
Basil: "You know, a chicken crossing the road...."
Manuel: "Que?"
Basil: [looking it up in a dictionary], "Un Pollo..."
Manuel: (interrupting) "No, No we out of chicken.." ... * WHAP!!*

Alastair Cooke: Good Evening, and welcome to Masterpiece Theatre. Tonight, we present the epic British drama "How The Chicken Went," based on the 1843 novel by Herbert T. Poultry, and adapted for the screen by Joanna Drumstick. Starring Susan Hampshire as the Chicken, and Anthony Hopkins as the evil and unrepentant diner, Borstrom, this elegant period piece explores the mores and morality of a society in which ordinary chickens had to face their destiny of crossing the road to meet their fate at the hands of the monied upper classes, regardless of their own ambitions or desires...

Rodney Dangerfield: I get no respect. I've been crossing the road since 1989.

James Dean:

(1) Life is so short. It wanted to experience as much as possible in as short a time as possible.

(2) To prove he wasn't chicken.

Clint Eastwood: Cross. Go ahead. Make my day.

W. C. Fields: The only good chicken is a dead chicken.

Peter Finch: He's mad as hell and is not going to take this any more.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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