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-=[ Why did the chicken cross the road]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: The Politicians (2b) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road?

Bob Dole: Do you know that before that chicken had gotten across the road, its cellular phone was ringing and there was a lawyer on the other end asking if it would like to sue the city for not putting up a traffic light.

Robert Dornan: They were illegals stealing the election from a real American.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.

Michel Foucault: It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.

Newt Gingrich:

(1) To get to the RIGHT side of the road.

(2) The chicken had to cross the road, because, bogged down by the incredible debt burden, it was no longer able to fly.

(3) It was safety pinned to one of those damn punk rockers!

(4) The chicken choose to exercize individual initiative and not wait for a government-funded traffic light program. Ira Glasser (ACLU): The chicken maintains an absolute privacy interest in information as to whether or why he or she may have perambulated the thoroughfare.

Al Gore:

(1) I wasn't there. I didn't call it. It didn't make a political contribution. I don't think it's a Buddhist. We didn't let it into the White House---to my knowledge.

(2) Chicken:Waiting for completion of NCI (National Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.

William Hague: To avoid the prospect of a united Europe.

Mark Lane: There is new, irrefutable evidence that the chicken did not act alone.

Michael Moriarity: To annoy Janet Reno.

Ralph Nader: A chicken on a road is unsafe at any speed

Col. Oliver North:

(1) I do not recall any such events. I had no knowledge of these occurences.

(2) National Security was at stake.

Ross Perot: (1) "All right, so say you've got this chicken. He's at Point A on this chart here, and he's next to some road, which is this line that bisects the chart from top to bottom. But the chicken doesn't want to stay at Point A, no sir. That's stagnant. That's the kind of thinking we've had too long in this country. That chicken wants to CROSS that road, to go over here to Point B. Maybe he wants to open up a business or something, it doesn't really matter why. But the point is, he's got to cross that road. No way around it. He doesn't need a government handout. He just needs somebody to stop the darn traffic for a couple of minutes so he can GET across. Are you followin' me so far?"

(2)I'm crossing. I'm not crossing....

(3) Crossing the road is that chickens primary concern! PRIMARY concern!

(4) Chickens and roads, I'll tell ya what it means! It means 4 trillion dollars of dafficit, it means the end of our infrastructure, it means... look at this chart!

(5): Let me tell ya, it's all about NAFTA. This chicken represents your job, and this road represents the Mexican border...

J. Danforth Quayle: (1) Ite sawe ae potatoee.

(2) A chicken is too much to waste.

(3) It was ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

(4) "chicken" C-H-I-K-E-N "chicken"

Kenneth Starr:

(1 )It proves there was a cover-up and something pretty foul was going on.

(2) In view of President Clinton's dealings with the Tyson Poultry Company, the matter of the chicken crossing the road is under investigation for its possible connection with the Whitewater affair.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Sununu & Kinsley:

John Sununu: I would argue that the chicken never crossed the road at all. That it is a story concocted by the Clinton Administration to distract attention from their failed agriculture policy. Where is the evidence that the chicken crossed the road? Where, Michael?

Michael Kinsley: Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken crossed the road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the chicken crossed the road. Your whole argument is just a smoke and mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled now back the Democratic Party. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, John

Linda Trapp: She told me everything and I have the tapes to prove it.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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