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-=[ Why did the chicken cross the road]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: The X-Files (29c) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ?

Clyde Bruckman: Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do any of us do anything? Why did he choose that exact moment to cross the road, thus leaving a slight indentation in the surface... that, fifty years later, causes a man driving a blue sports car to hit it, and spin off the road, spiraling to his death...

Madame Zelma: Madame Zelma, she is a fortune-teller, NOT a chicken keeper.

2SHY: Virgil Incanto: Mmm... Schmaltz.

NISEI/731: Japanese diplomat: To be fitted out for a pillowcase.

OUBLIETTE: Lucy Householder: I don't know nothin' about no chicken. If I'm your last hope... then that chicken's in a lot more trouble than you think.

ThE BLESSING WAY/PAPER CLIP: Albert Hosteen: There is an ancient Indian saying that a chicken lives only as long as the last person that remembers it crossing the road.

Dr. Pomerantz: The chicken told me about its experience of crossing the road... It was afraid... but it didn't die. Someone must have cared for the chicken... It had to get back to that safe place we talked about.

Luis Cardinal: We got the wrong chicken!

Elizabeth Peters: "It was a stormy, violent piece of music --- Chopins "Revolutionary Etude"... I couldn't resist. I moved closer to him and spoke. "How nice. You're playing our song." "Night Train to Memphis."

D.P.O: Because it was in for a little barbecue, heh-heh.

THE LIST: Napleon "Neech" Manley: To avenge all the petty tyranny and the cruelty it has suffered.

WAR OF THE COPROPHAGES: Dr. Ivanov: I don't know much about... *chickens*. What is it?

Dr. Bambi: To eat, sleep, defecate, procreate. Who cares about the road... what bugs did the chicken eat for lunch?

Stoner Guy: Woah, man. The chicken's crawling up inside your arm. That's wrong, dude.

SYZYGY: Det. White: To solve the mystery of the horned chicken.

Terri: The chicken killed Mr. Tippy!! Margi: Hate him, hate him, wouldn't wanna date him!

Madame Zirinka: You want me to tell you why the chicken crossed the road? Business hours are nine to five, all major credit cards accepted.

PUSHER: Robert Modell: The other side of the road looks very interesting. The sky looks so blue on that side. Cerulean blue. I bet you want to go to the other side of the road. The chicken's right over there, waiting. Go on, cross the road...

Holly: I don't know why the chicken did it! I'm so, so sorry, sir... I'm so sorry...

UNRUHE: Gerry Schnauz: Because it needed to get rid of the Howlers. Er hat unruhe....

GROTESQUE: Agent Bill Patterson: To really understand the chicken's motivation, you must get inside its head and risk letting the chicken into yours.

JOSE CHUNG'S FROM OUTER SPACE: Jose Chung: I interviewed the chicken several times, over the course of three weeks, and each time I interviewed him, I got a different answer! Truth is as subjective as reality! By the way, do you know if he prefers the term 'crosser' or 'transportee'?

The Men in Black: No object is more often mistaken for a chicken than the planet Venus. You never saw a chicken.

Det. Manners: Does anyone give a bleep why the bleepin' chicken crossed the road? Who the bleep cares? By the way, someone called to say they found a real live bleepin' chicken body.

Lord Kinbote: No harm will come unto the chicken. The chicken's efforts are needed for the survival of all earth-chickens. Come, I will showeth thee the chicken.

Lt. Jack Schaeffer: The chicken did NOT cross the road...the chicken did NOT cross the road...

Blaine Faulkner: It wasn't a chicken. It was a MIB sent in by the *proper authorities* disguised as a chicken, and it wasn't pulling it off. Like, it was yellow, but a little *too* yellow, you know?

Roky Crikenson: This may sound kinda crazy but the chicken wanted to be abducted by aliens. So that he wouldn't have to get a job or anything.

QUAGMIRE: Stoner Dude: Mannn... 'cause there were all these arrows, and stuff-- and they were just telling the chicken to go, man... just go...

HOME: Mrs. Peacock: I kin tell you don't have no chickins of yer own. Otherwaz you'd unnerstan' the prad, the luv, whin you know yer chickins'd do anithin' fer their keeper.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: The day that chicken crossed the road... I knew the day had come and my home would never be the same...

Peacock Brothers: To raise and breed its own stock, if you know what I mean.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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