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 [ << ] Chicken: Religious-Other(14/15) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ?

Buddha: (1) If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
(2) It was contemplating the beauty of the world and enjoying nature.

Confucius: (1) Chicken who first look both way, lives to see another day.
(2) When the emperor performs the rites with full reverence, and the court officers behave as true scholars and gentlemen, a hen may cross any road in the kingdom safely.

Hopi Shaman: He was following Takawee and Kowaho. It was his destiny.

Lao Tse: (1) Those who cluck do not know. Those who know do not cluck.
(2) The chicken both crosses the road and not-crosses the road because that is the way of Tao.

Mohammed: (1) It is the mother of all chickens
(2) It is not for the chicken to cross the road but for the road to come to the chicken.

Lao Tse: (1) Those who cluck do not know. Those who know do not cluck.
(2) The chicken both crosses the road and not-crosses the road because that is the way of Tao. The Vedas: It was its karma.

Why did the chicken cross the Road ?

15. The Foreign Leaders-Israeli

Shulamit Aloni I'll eat as many chickens as I like on Yom Kippur, it's nothing to do with the Haredim what I do in my home...

Idi Amin: A hundred chicken heads will fall for this dastardly act.

David Bar-Ilan: This question represents the worst sort of gross anti-semitism on the part of the world's media. Reuters is particularly culpable...

Charles Bronfman Forget the chicken! Let's get these teenagers to Israel: just think what will happen if they see an ISRAELI chicken crossing the road...

Edgar Bronfman: I shall be taking this matter up, on behalf of the WJC, with President Clinton, the Pope, and whoever's head of Russia this week...

Shlomo Carlebach: Yannani nini nini; yannani nini nini; yannani nini, yannani nini, yi nini nini; yini yannani yannani, yi ninininini, yanani yanani yi ni ni ni ni ni, yanani, yanani yininininini.....

Gush Emunim: To settle the other side.

Fackenheim: We must all help the chicken across the road, whether the chicken wants to or not; to fail to do so would be to grant motorized vehicles a posthumous victory. The responsibility to help the chicken across the road is holy; it is not negotiable; it is the 615th Commandment..

Blu Greenberg: In the first ten years or so of our marriage, Yitz and I didn't really focus on this question, we lived quite conventional Jewish lives, and had chicken soup every Friday night. I remember quite clearly the moment at which I first began seriously to think about this important question in a radically new light.... Nevertheless I want to emphasize that in my view a synthesis of orthodoxy, feminism and the rights of the chicken is absolutely possible, difficult though this may sometimes seem in practice.

Yitz Greenberg: There have been three quite distinct historical Jewish responses to this question...

Bonna Haberman: What's most important is that chickens be able to daven freely at the kotel...

Judah ha-Levi: My road is the East, but my chicken is in the farthest West.

Old Herut party: There are two sides to the road, the first is ours and the second is as well.

Abraham Joshua Heschel: If that chicken makes it to the other side I'll be radically amazed!

David Bar-Ilan: This question represents the worst sort of gross antisemitism on the part of the world's media. Reuters is particularly culpable...

Meir Kahane The only good chicken is a dead chicken.

Mordechai Kaplan: Give the chicken a voice,not a veto.

Yeshayahu Leibowitz: Stupid question. We simply follow the halacha. The chicken crosses the road. That's it.

Imelda Marcos: She needed a new pair of shoes.

Binyamin Netanyahu: (1) The chicken did not cross the road, it merely redeployed from 10% of the road.
(2) Most Israelis on the left mistakenly think that they want thechicken to cross the road. But not to let them get to the other side. And that's not really crossing the road. That's why I say it's better to keep them in the coop.

Sarah Netanyahu: You, Chicken, are the worst %#*@ing housekeeper, ever! You're fired!

Shimon Peres: Yitzhak Rabin, zichrono livracha, would have wanted the chicken to cross the road; it is our duty to unite together to see that it comes to pass.

Yitzchak Rabin: We must give the street to the downtrodden and oppressed Palestinian people. Let all settler chickens who are tired of spinning like propellers in the wind therefore cross back to this side of the road.

Franz Rosenzweig: The chicken hasn't actually crossed yet, but I hope it may one day do so.

Danny Siegal: The chicken was doing a mitzvah, and so should we!

Leslie Wexner: I'm happy to announce a new $40 million endowment to help answer this crucial question.

Simon Wiesenthal: To tract down perpetuators of the holocaust against chickens.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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