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-=[ Funny Acronyms and Definitions]=-

 [ << ] Computer Terms and Definitions [ >>
[ Computer Terms ]

ANALOG
Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with crushed nuts

BACKUP
Opposite of go forward

BATCH PROCESSING
Making a lot of cookies at once

BIT
12-1/2 cents

BRANCH
If watered, it will grow into a computer club (see computer club)

BUG
1. Programmer's term for a feature.
2. An elusive creature living in a program which makes it incorrect. Note: The activity of "debugging" or removing bugs from a program ends when a programmer gets tired of doing it, not when all the bugs are removed

CHARACTER DENSITY
The number of very weird people in the office, divided by the floor space

COMPUTER
A device designed to speed and automate errors

COMPUTER CLUB
Used to strike computer forcefully upon receiving error messages

CODING
An addictive drug

COMPILE
A heap of decomposing vegetable matter

COMPILER
Noah Webster (1758-1843)

CONSOLE
What one does to a "down" computer

CURSOR
An expert in 4-letter words

DUMP
A system programmer's work area

FEATURE
Hardware limitation as described by a marketing representative

HARDWARE
The parts of a computer which can be kicked

KEYBOARD
An instrument used for entering errors into a system

LANGUAGE
A system of organizing and defining error messages

LOOP
See loop

MACHINE-INDEPENDENT PROGRAM
A program which will not run on any machine

MICROCOMPUTER
One millionth of a computer

NULL STRING
The result of a 4-hour database search

ONLINE
The idea that a human should always be accessible; also what to do when one isn't.

PASSWORD
The nonsense word taped to your terminal

[ Computer Definitions: ]

BIT
the increment by which programmers slowly go mad.

BRANCH INSTRUCTION
Advice from a district office.

CHAINING
Method of attaching programmers to desks to speed up output.

CHECKPOINT
From where a programmer draws his salary.

CONSTANT
A type of pressure felt by programmers.

CORE STORAGE
A receptacle for the center section of apples.

COUNTER
A device over which Old Fashions are served.

DEBUGGING
Removing the needles from the haystack.

DIGIT EMMITTER
Sandals.

ERROR
Someone else's non-satisfaction with your computer output.

EXTERNAL STORAGE
Wastebasket.

DWORD
Four letter words used by progammers in a state of confusion.

FORTRAN
Fortunately Our Readers Take Refreshers At Nightschool.

GARBAGE
Highly aromatic computer output.

HIGH SPEED PRINTER
Wife writing checks.

INDEX REGISTER
Constant source of irritation.

INITIALIZING THE STACK
Being the first to hand in your homework.

INPUT
Food, whiskey, beer, excedrin.

OUTPUT
Four letter words.

INTERNAL SORT
The stomach, liver and kidneys keep changing positions.

PROGRAM LIBRARY
An organized collection of obsolete programs.

LOW ORDER POSITION
The programmers position in the chain of command.

MACRO
The last half of an expression: for example "Holy Macro".

MATHEMATICAL MODEL
46-26-38.

MATHEMATICAL CHECK
The renumeration received by a mathematical model.

MEMORY DUMP
Amnesia.

MICROSECOND
The amount of time required for a program to hang up.

OFF LINE
Failure to pass a soberity test.

ON LINE
Full of alcohol, but not drunk.

OVERFLOW
The result of drinking too much alcohol.

PARAMETER
The absolute limit before the secretary yells for help.


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