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-=[ Bumper Sticker, Sign Philosophy]=-

 [ << ] Warning Labels [ >>
I loved one particular entry for it wonderful idiocy: On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place."

Fourth Runner Up -- On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Third Runner Up -- On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

Second Runner Up -- On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.

First Runner Up -- On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.

And the winner of the Power Ranger pinata -- On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area.

Honorable Mentions:

On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2 shipping and a $3 handling charge, for a total of $4.97.

On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.

On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.

On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.

On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.

On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.

On Lyndon LaRouche literature: Mr. LaRouche is a serious political figure; and not a paranoid lunatic, and should therefore -- Hey, what are you looking at? Quit staring at me.

On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.

On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.

On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.

On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.

On Sen. Bob Dole: WARNING: Contents under pressure and may explode.

On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.

On a fax machine: WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax the photocopy.

On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause vomiting.

On a revolving door: Passenger compartments for individual use only.

On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.

On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

On a wet suit: Capacity, 1.

And Last: On The Washington Post: Do not cut up and use for blackmail note.

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