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-=[ Joke Number 968 ]=-

 [ << ] You might be a redneck if (4) [ >>
300. You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.

301. You have barnyard animals living in your house.

302. Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.

303. Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."

304. Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

305. You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.

306. You have ever shot a possum on your porch.

307. You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.

308. You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.

309. You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house....not including .22 caliber.

310. You have guns in your house that you cannot find.

311. You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.

312. You think Wal-Mart is expensive.

313. You've got more guns "On Display" than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.

314. You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.

315. Your horse wears shoes, but you don't.

316. It doesn't bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.

317. You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.

318. You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.

319. Your dog is your alarm clock.

320. Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your second buck.

321. You have all the "Dukes of Hazard" episodes on tape.

322. You can give a summary of all the "Dukes of Hazard" episodes.

323. You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.

324. It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show off a full set of teeth.

325. You've ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes law.

326. You've ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store.

327. You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.

328. You've ever shoplifted Spam.

329. You don't understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get it on with Daisy.

330. Your son has ever stolen dissected frogs from Biology class so that your family won't go hungry.

331. You prefer the Sears catalog to Charmin.

332. Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

333. You think deer hunting should be an Olympic sport.

334. You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

335. You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.

336. Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.

337. You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a motel room.

338. None of your zippers have all their teeth either.

339. You are driving the car you were conceived in.

340. You've ever used scissors on food.

341. You've ever re-used a paper plate.

342. Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.

343. When you hear someone talking about the king you don't know whether they're talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.

344. You complain about the ban on assault weapons because it make half your guns illegal.

345. You use a pig for a garbage disposal.

346. You can't go to church this year because your Sunday socks are being used as the truck's gas cap.

347. You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.

348. You clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.

349. Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.

350. You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.

351. You gave your young son a super-soaker water gun and an NRA application for his birthday.

352. You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month.

353. A tornado goes through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.

354. You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.

355. You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.

356. You think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for road kill.

357. You spell fertilizer with only 4 letters.

358. You shot your own 12 point coat rack.

359. You've ever slam-shifted a tractor.

360. You've been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack.

361. The number of times you've seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q.

362. Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.

363. You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog.

364. You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.

365. You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.

366. On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.

367. You don't think this list is funny!

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