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-=[ Joke Number 911 ]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: The Media (5) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ?

Yediot Aharonot: Chicken Run Over By Mack Truck!!! Graphic photos, pages 1,2,3,4 and 5; The Sex Life Of The Chicken, pages 6 & 7; other news, pages 8 & 9.

Marv Albert: Well, actually he was cross dressing.

Any Late Evening News Anchor:The chicken crosses the road. Film at 11:00.

Chris Berman: She's across the near shoulder, up to the yellow stripe, to the slick mark..... she... could... go... all... the... WAY!!!!!

Harry Carey: Holy Cow! It might be. It could be. It's gone!

Suzy Cato: Road. R-O-A-D. Avenue, path, street, track, motorway. Brrm Brrm. Road. See the chicken. See chicken run. (New Zealand childrens show host. )

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace tne annals of history. An historic unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Dick Clark: Umm. He's got a good beat. I'll give him a 95.

Walter Cronkite: That's the way it is

Horace Greeley: To go west, young man. To go west..

David Hartman: As I was saying to Shimon, Yitzhak, Ezer Weizman, Edgar Bronfman and the Pope, all of whom wanted to know my views on this subject... That reminds me, Motti, I want two chickens! And three bottles of wine!!

Paul Harvey:

(1) And now you know the rest of the story,

(2) And now... page two... a chicken... attempts to cross... the street... yes... the street... and is... run down by a... Buick! The Buick Roadmaster with it's powerful perfomance and elegant style! Yes... that poor chicken... hit by the Buick... it's true... it's... true... and speaking of true... your local True Value Hardware Store...

John Hawkesby: Trivial drainage and roading issues are why I turned down running for local body politics. (New Zealand News Reader)

Paul Holmes: Well. The chicken. Crossed the road. Or so we all thought. It now seems that the whole story. May have been invented. To boost. Interest in a new book published published I might add yes I might I might indeed published by the very same chook. Tonight on Holmes. We investigate. The chook book crook ahmph. (New Zealand News Analyst)

Casey Kasem: And now here's a hot new number from a hot young band whose drummer was so tragically killed in a freeway accident, it's The Hen House Flock singing "When You Gonna Crow?" hitting the charts at number 23!

Ralph Klein: Because we gave it a one-way bus ticket to B.C.

David Letterman:

The ten top reasons the chicken crossed the road:

10. She was no longer a spring chicken

9. To avoid Col. Saunders.

8. To meet a fine feathered friend.

7. She was going to a hen party.

6. There was a fowl smell present.

5. To go to mass, he was a fryer.

4. To visit a duck who was a little down in the mouth.

3. The radio announced there was a foul ball in Yankee Stadium.

2. One word, fricassee!

And the number one reason the chicken crossed the road:

1. He heard Disney was casting for its new cartoon version of Kafka's "The Metamorphosis."

Rush Limbaugh: Beacuse of those damn bleeding heart liberals, trying to save one stupid bird while thousands of jobs are being lost..

Marshall McLuhan: The Road is the Medium. The chicken is the Message!

Letty Cottin Pogrebin: In the early days on Ms magazine I cared more about women than chickens; but I see now that this was a sort of false consciousness, an anti-chickenism within the movement...

Ahmad Rashad: Here's our trusty NBC camera crew, on the trail of heartwarming sports news for "Inside Stuff." Today's topic: Young chicks cross the road.

Geraldo Rivera: Stay tuned as a panel of chickens reveals the shocking truth.

Siskel & Ebert:

Gene Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up!

Roger Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't even speak English! Thumbs down!

Gene Siskel: ...and so I give "Chicken Wars" a strong feather up!

Ed Sullivan: It was the talk of the town.

Oprah Winfrey: To avoid mad-cow disease.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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