`-=[ Joke Number 890 ]=-`

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Chicken: Entertainers (3b)

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Why did the chicken cross the Road?

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Greta Garbo: It vanted to be alone.

Yuel Gibbons: Because that's where the vegetarians live!

Hugh Grant: He was up to his old tricks.

Buddy Hackett: 'Cause there was a cook behind her trying to shove a rotisserie skewer up her behind!

Oliver Hardy: There´s another nice mess you´ve gotten us into!

Arte Johnson: To get a Walnetto.

Graham Kerr: What! "Chicken Crossing The Road"...not without a fine white wine and a cup of heavy cream.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

Michael Lerner When I was the leading chicken's rights activist in the 60's, I actively studied the question. In the politics of meaning, no chickens will have to cross the road if they don't want to...

Jerry Lewis: For my kids.

Marcel Marceau: ...

Shirley MacLaine: After I was hatched from an egg in 1703, I recall having to cross the road.

Chico Marx: It couldn't. It was a rubber chicken.

Groucho Marx:

(1) Chicken. You said the secret word and have won $100.00

(2) Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

(3)The club on that side of the road wanted him to join.

(4) This morning I shot a chicken in my pyjamas -- and lemme tell ya, that chicken ran out of my pyjamas in a second!.

Harpo Marx: Honk! Honk! Honk!

Jackie Mason: Whaddaya want, it should just stand there?

Temuera Morrison: So it wouldn't be in Guatemala any more. (New Zealand Actor)

Bob Newhart: It crossed becau ... Same to you, fella.

Jack Nicholson: 'cause it fuckin' wanted to. That's the fuckin' reason.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

Marlin Perkins, on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom: Watch, as the chicken mauls Jim yet again..

Monty Python: For Something Completely Different

Mr. Rogers: It wanted to be my neighbor!

Arnold Schwartznegger: It vill be back.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone think to ask "What the heck was the chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Red Skelton: He was a baaaad boy.

Jerry Springer: Next, chickens who bear their breasts at cock fights.

Dionne Warwick: Now even chickens can call for their free 10 minute reading. "your sign is coming into the 3rd house of Peterbuilt, I see you crossing a path of some sort, there are lines on the path. . .umm. . . your lucky number is 14 (click!)"

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Flip Wilson: The devil made her do it.

Oprah Winfrey: To avoid mad-cow disease

Jonathan Winters: It didn't. It was too chicken.

Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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