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-=[ Joke Number 879 ]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: The Politicians (2a) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road?

Pat Buchanan:

(1)To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

(2) "We know why the chicken crossed the road, my friends. Oh, yes we do. It crossed the road for the same reason they ALL cross the road: to come to our country, and eat our dried corn, and peck in our barnyard, and send their little chicks, mostly born out of wedlock, to our schools. But the American people are tired of those chickens, and the peasants have picked up their pitchforks. Our message to those chickens is simple, my friends:'Welcome to the barbecue.'"

George Bush:

(1)If it did it was out of the loop

(2) It could see the thousand points of headlights....

(3) To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

(4) Because like I said to Barb, when a chicken . . . I mean, hey, got a road here, a real good road, got an other side there, and . . . not saying it's not a good side here, not saying that, but ya gotta realize . . . chicken crossing . . . gotta look out for cars, gotta look out . . . could be a wide road, double yella line down the middle for miles . . .

Jimmy Carter: It had lust in its heart

Bill Clinton:

(1 ) What?

(2) The chicken was persuaded to cross the road by the Democratic congress. It is now returning to the middle of the road.

(3) Did some one say Chicken McNuggets?

(4) Chaverim, I'd like to share with you a dvar torah on this important sh'eylah.

(5) She flew across and I don't consider that crossing the road.

(6) I'd like to share with you an important thought on this important question.

(7) Nowhere in the Bible does it say that crossing the road constitutes adultery.

(8) What chicken? I don't recall a chicken.

(9) "Because that's what the public said I should do..."

Hillary Clinton: I know we had Jewish friends at Yale but this is getting ridiculous!

Johnny Cochran:

(1) The chicken didn't cross the road. It was planted there by the police as part of a conspiracy to frame the species!

(2) There is no proof that the poultry (hereinafter "Chicken") did, indeed, cross the byway (hereinafter "Road"); this is all hearsay evidence and, as we all know, hearsay evidence is incontrovertibly inadmissible in any court of law in this jurisdiction. Beyond this, it is speculative at best whether or not Chicken, walking on his or her alleged feet, could cross the road, dependent, of course, upon the relative size of the pure asphalt used in the particular Road's construction. We therefore submit our motion to have a portion of the asphalt of the Road in question brought to the court whereupon the feet of Chicken would then be compared to the asphalt. We would then prove unequivocally that Chicken's feet could, in no way, be accountable for crossing the Road for the simple but undeniable reason that had Chicken crossed the Road, Chicken's toes would have disappeared into the crevices between the jumble of asphalt conglomerate which makes up the Road, causing Chicken to become irreparably entangled and thereby causing detrimental and deleterious -- and possibly fatal -- damage to Chicken by any motorcycle, car, truck, bus, lorry, eighteen wheeler, or any other vehicular mode of transportation legally able to traverse the Road in question (dependent entirely upon the weight of the vehicle and the stress-bearing load capabilities of the asphalt and the substrata beneath it). See, Little Red Riding Hood, LLC v. Wolf, Big Bad & Co., Inc., (N.D. Cal. 1935), denied on appeal. It is obvious that this frivolous case should be dismissed on merit.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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