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-=[ Joke Number 779 ]=-

 [ << ] Witty Keychain Quotations [ >>
You know how those novelty shops (Spencer's, et. al.), as if required by some obscure law, all carry those cutesy keychains with various sayings on them? Well, I happen to know that in your deepest innermost desire, you really wanted a list of those ever so witty sayings. So, without further ado...

-- I need more money, power, and less SHIT from you people.

-- We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.

-- Discourage inbreeding; ban country music.

-- Life is short. Don't be a dick.

-- Yoo hoo!! Here I am, at the bottom of your purse!

-- Starlight Starbright where the hell is Mr.Right

-- To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group

-- I majored in liberal arts, would you like fries w/that.

-- I majored in philosophy, would you like fries w/that.

-- I want my man to have a VCR: Very Cute Rear

-- I have PMS and a gun. Did you have something to say?

-- I'm 17. Give me your credit cards, give me your keys and get out of my way.

-- I haven't found Mr Right but i have found Mr Cheap, Mr SLeazy and Mr Wrong

-- You're just jealous cause the voices talk to me.

-- It's Miss Bitch to you.

-- Lost your cat? Look under my tires.

-- How do you keep an idot amused? Turn over. . . (on both sides of keychain)

-- I suffer from PMS... Putting up with Men's Shit

-- I am so good in bed that when i have sex even the neighbors need a cigarette.

-- If you're rich, I'm single.

-- Men suffer from PMS too... Pretending to be Macho Studs

-- If you shower in your clothes, it shows you're crazy. If you shower nude, it show's your nuts!!!

-- I'm immature, unorganized, irresponsible, lazy, and LOUD... but I'm FUN.

-- If you don't like my driving, then get off the sidewalk!

-- If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna piss you off. - or - If it has tires or tits, it's gonna piss you off.

-- Behind every great man is a great woman, and behind every great woman is some guy staring at her ass!

-- Bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass

-- Birthdays only come once a year... aren't you gald you're not a birthday?

-- Give me a quarter or I'll touch you!

-- To some it's half empty, To some it's half full. To me it's time for a beer run!

-- (Written in really tiny writing) Nosey little fucker, aren't you?

-- (This is a visual gag. It's a condom inside plastic with the caption) "In case of emergency, break glass." (What's really funny is in tiny writing underneath) "Not recommended for use"

-- I am so broke, I can't even pay attention.

-- I am not a BITCH ... I am *the* BITCH.

-- We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.

-- I was put on this planet to make your life miserable.

-- I'm in touch with my inner bitch.

-- I am trying to graduate college with a 4.0 (blood alcohol level).

-- I do what the voices in my head tell me.

-- Looking for Mr. Right *crossed out* Mr. Wonderful *crossed out* Mr. Coffee!

-- Heartbreaker, looking for next victim.

-- In God we trust. All others we monitor.

-- That dress just screams Crack Whore.

-- Not all women are annoying... some are dead.

-- The nuns make me dress this way.

-- You! Out of the gene pool!

-- You must be this tall to ride this ride.

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