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-=[ Joke Number 634 ]=-

 [ << ] Human DNA [ >>
For Computer programmers
------------------------
Human DNA
So now we know!
[Source unknown]

For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows:

===
 /* HUMAN_DNA.H
  *
  * Human Genome
  * Version 2.1
  *
  * (C) God
  */
 /* Revision history:
  *
  * 0000-00-01 00:00  1.0  Adam.
  * 0000-00-02 10:00  1.1  Eve.
  * 0000-00-03 02:11  1.2  Added penis code to male version. A bit messy
  *                        will require a rewrite later on to make it neater.
  * 0017-03-12 03:14  1.3  Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code
  *                        from elephant-dna.c
  * 0145-10-03 16:33  1.4  Removed tail.
  * 1115-00-31 17:20  1.5  Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.
  * 2091-08-20 13:56  1.6  Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.
  * 2501-04-09 14:04  1.7  Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour
  *                        made darker to match my own image.
  * 2909-07-12 02:21  1.8  Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth.
  *                        Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate.
  * 4501-12-31 14:18  1.9  Increase average height.
  * 5533-02-12 17:09  2.0  Added gay option, triggered by high population
  *                        density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem.
  * 6004-11-04 16:11  2.1  Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of CD.
  */
 /* Standard definitions
  */
 #define SEX male
 #define HEIGHT 1.84
 #define MASS 68
 #define RACE caucasian
 /* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
  *
  * Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper
  * inheritance features.
  */
 #include "mother.h"
 #include "father.h"
 #ifndef FATHER
 #warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
 #include "bastard.h"
 #endif
 /* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
  */
 #include <sex.h>
 /* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper
  * library sometime soon.
  */
 struct genitals
    {
 #ifdef MALE
    Penis *jt;
 #endif
    /* G_spot *g;   Removed for debugging purposes */
 #ifdef FEMALE
    Vagina *p;
 #endif
    }
 /* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication.
  * Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers
  */
 DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);
 /* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
  *
  * Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism
  * to display at birth.
  *
  * Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
  */
 Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
 ===


... and so on.

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