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-=[ Joke Number 510 ]=-

 [ << ] Sayings For The Modern Day 1/2 [ >>
1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

2. Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.

3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

4. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

5. Don't bother me... I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a fuckin' people person?

7. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

9. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

10. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

11. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

12. You! Off my planet!

13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

15. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.

16. I like dogs, too. Let's exchange recipes.

17. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!

18. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

19. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

20. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

21. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

22. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

23. God was my co-pilot, but we crashed into the mountains and I had to eat him.

24. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

25. And just how may I screw you over today?

26. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

27. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

28. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...

29. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

30. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

31. Yeah, right! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth.

32. Allow me to introduce my selves.

33. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

34. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

35. Better living through denial.

36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

37. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

38. Adult child of alien invaders.

39. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

40. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

41. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

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