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-=[ Joke Number 476 ]=-

 [ << ] Real Excuses [ >>
Have you exhausted the excuses for taking a day off? Are all your grannies dead? Does the boss no longer believe the one about the crippled aunt who keeps falling over?

Well, then, try these! They're not *excuses*, they're *real*!

AIR CONTROLLERS SYNDROME: Peptic ulcers occurring among air traffic controllers, as a result of job stress. {Illinois Medical Journal, 1972}

ALOPECIA WALKMANIA: Loss of hair from prolonged use of personal stereo headphones. {Journal of the American Medical Association, 1984}

ANCHORMAN GLAZE: Glazed-eye look of TV anchorman caused by looking at the teleprompter through glaring camera lights. {Syracuse, New York, TV station, 1960}

ARTIC TEMPER: Extreme irritability developing amongst arctic explorers exposed to darkness, monotony, isolation and sensory depravation. {Lancet, 1910}

BEER DRINKERS FINGER: Swelling, bluish discoloration and wasting of finger caused by placing pop-top beer can rings on finger. {JAMA, 68}

BINGO BRAIN: The headache associated with carbon monoxide intoxication which occurs after spending long hours in smoke filled bingo halls. {Canadian Medical Association, 1982}

BIRDWATCHERS TWITCH: The nervous excitement of spotting a species for the first time. {New Scientist, 1982}

BODY BUILDERS PSYCHOSIS: Psychotic episodes associated with the use of anabolic steroids; causing hallucinations, paranoid delusions, grandiose beliefs and manic-depressive symptoms. {Lancet, 1987}

BOOKSELLERS BENDS: Sickness caused by changes in atmospheric pressure as the book the customer wants is always on the top shelf. {?}

CASINO FEET: Soreness of the feet caused by standing in front of slot machines for long periods of time. {Wilmington Morning Star, 1981}

CHICKEN NECK WRINGERS FINGER: Partial dislocation and arthritis of middle finger joint from continued use of this finger to dislocate chicken necks for slaughtering. {BMA Journal, 1955}

CHRISTMAS DEPRESSION: Psychological stress during holidays related to the use of alcohol and social pressures. {JAMA, 1982}

CREDIT-CARD-ITIS: Pain over the rear and down thigh due to pressure on nerve from a wallet stuffed with credit cards. {New England Medical Journal, 1966}

DISCO DIGIT: A sore finger from snapping fingers while dancing. {New England Medical Journal}

DOG WALKERS ELBOW: Pain caused by constant tension and tugs from a dog leash. {New England Medical Journal, 1979}

ELECTRONIC SPACE-WAR VIDEO-GAME EPILEPSY: Epilepsy caused by the flashing lights of electronic video games. {BMA Journal, 1982}

ESPRESSO WRIST: Pain in espresso coffee machine operators from strong wrist motions required to make the coffee. {JAMA, 1956}

FLIP-FLOP DERMATITIS: Skin disease on feet from wearing rubber flip- flops. {BMA Journal, 1965}

FRISBEE FINGER: Cutting of finger from strenuous throwing of a frisbee. {New England Medical Journal, 1975}

GOLF ARM: Shoulder and elbow pain after too many rounds of golf. {BMA Journal, 1896}

HOOKERS ELBOW: Painful shoulder swelling suffered by fishermen repeatedly jerking upwards on a fishing line. {New England Medical Journal, 1981}

HOUSWIFITIS: Nervous symptoms related to spending too much time managing a busy household. {Centrescope, 1976}

HUMPERS LUMP: Swelling suffered by hotel porters from lugging heavy bags. {Diseases of Occupations, 1975}

ICE-CREAM FROSTBITE: Frostbite on the lips from prolonged contact with ice-cream. {New England Medical Journal, 1982}

JAZZ BALLET BOTTOM: Painful abscesses suffered by dancers who frequently spin on their bottoms. {Daily Telegraph, 1987}

JEANS FOLLICULITIS: Irritation of the hair follicles from the waist down to the knees caused by ultra-tight jeans. {New England Medical Journal, 1981}

JOYSTICK DIGIT: Trigger finger pain following prolonged use of video game joysticks. {JAMA, 1987}

KNIFE SHARPENERS CRAMP: Painful hand swelling from sharpening too many knives. {Diseases of Occupations, 1975}

LABEL LICKERS TONGUE: Ulcers in mouth from sensitivity to sticky labels. {Dangerous Trades, 1902}

MONEY COUNTERS CRAMP: Painful seizure of muscles from counting too much cash. {English University Press, 1975}

MOTORWAY BLUES: The sort of headaches noted by drivers on congested motorways. {BMA Journal, 1963}

NUNS KNEE: Swelling of kneecap from repeated kneeling in prayer. {Diseases of Occupations, 1975}

OYSTER SHUCKERS KERATITIS: Eye irritation from contact with fragments of oyster shells. {BMA Journal, 1896}

PANTIE GIRDLE SYNDROME: Tingling or swelling of feet from wearing a too-tight pantie girdle. {BMA Journal, 1972}

PLAYERS LIVER: The hazard of spending too long in the bar instead of playing the game. {Encyclopedia of Sports, 1971}

QUICK-DRAW LEG: Bullet wound in leg from practicing fast draw from gun in belt holster. {JAMA, 1966}

REFLEX HORN SYNDROME: Tendency for drivers waiting in traffic jams to toot horns. {New England Medical Journal, 1976}

RETIRED HUSBAND SYNDROME: Tension, headaches, depression and anxiety felt by women whose husbands have just retired. {Western Journal of Medicine, 1984}

SEAMSTRESSES BOTTOM: Hardening of skin following long-term trauma of rocking on the hips while operating a sewing machine. {American Family Physician, 1979}

SICK SANTAS SYNDROME: Low back pain from lifting heavy children and parcels and acquired illnesses from multiple contact with kids. {JAMA, 1986}

TELEVISION LEGS: Loss of normal flexibility of the legs from being slumped in a chair in front of the box for too long. {JAMA, 1958}

TOILET SEAT DERMATITIS: Skin irritation on rear from spending too much time on the toilet. {Archive of Dermatology, 1933}

UNIFORM RASH: Skin irritation of neck, chest and arms from wearing new uniforms. {BMJ, 1973}

VOLKSWAGEN DERMATITIS: Allergic skin reaction caused by rubber bumper guards. {Archive of Dermatology, 1971}

WORKING WIFE SYNDROME: Fatigue, irritability, headaches and diminished sex drive from strain of doing two jobs. {Lancet, 1966}

YOGA FOOT DROP: Paralysis of foot due to compounded pressure from practicing Yoga positions. {JAMA, 1971}

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