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-=[ Joke Number 457 ]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: Generic Quotes (32) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ?

Anesthesiologist: To get away from the surgeons' banal and inappropriate banter and joke telling.

Any Late Evening News Anchor: The chicken crosses the road. Film at 11:00. Stay tuned as we present this historical event.

Arabic saying: A wide road brings out faults in the crossing.

Teddy Bear: Now tubbiness is just the thing which gets a chicken wandering.

The Chicken: (1) Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk!.
(2) I am crossing the road to block traffic as a protest against ..."(thump).
(3) Because I felt like it, okay? I gotta explain my every reason? Look, I'm not running for office, y'know! I got a private life, too, and a right to my own... SQUAWK
(4) I'm a chicken! What do you expect?

Jewish Chicken: Vaat? The pig crosses the road and no one notices. But I cross the road and now it's a Federal case already?!

New York Chicken: $B%_(BD. Hey! I'm walkin' here!

Chinese saying: (1) Whether the chicken's crossing is fast or slow, the road is always the same.
(2) Practice makes the crossing perfect.

Cowboy from Texas: "Y'all cross thataways."

The Cypher: The observant general elected to travel on the helicopter entering on the highly elevated revolving staircase invoking damaging editorials. (Needs to be decoded.)

Czech saying: Not even a chicken crosses for nothing.

Endocrinologist: It actually wasn't a chicken. It was an ostrich with Turner's Syndrome, and the answer to the question may be easier to answer after a 24 hour, Avian Cortisol level.

Estonian saying: A chicken that crosses among the cars without fear dies without honor.

French saying: It is easy to cross the road when no vehicle comes.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Mama Hen: You aren't going to! If all the other chickens crossed the road, would that mean you would have to do it too? No, and that's final. Where are you going? You come back here this instant!

Japanese saying: Hated chickens fear not the road.

Karate student: I hoped there was an easier way to get a new belt.

Any Lawyer: (1) That's where the ambulances are.
(2) Crossing the road, is outside the limits of acceptable and standard practice in the chicken community in particular and the fowl community in general, and I believe we have a case here. Here is my card. (courtesy of Wendie H)

Managed Care Director: It wasn't really necessary for the chicken to cross the road. He already had what he needed along with the necessary facilities on the side of the road he was already standing. Therefore he will have to pay out of pocket for the entire trip.

Jewish Mother: If her father had seen her cross, he would have turned over in his gravy.

Mom: No one could tell, really. She was mumbling to herself about peace and quiet. She circled the block a couple times and came back a lot happier.

A Traffic Control Officer : The light was green.

Orthopedist: To replace the rooster's hip.

Pashto saying: Do not cross the road which neither your father nor your mother has ever crossed.

Pediatrician: To reassure the mother hen.

Persian Saying: The chicken's crossing, although full of faults, is perfect in its father's eyes.

Plastic Surgeon: To get a breast implant and a thigh tuck.

Georgia Policeman: It doesn?t matter why. In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road within city limits. (True)

Los Angeles Police: Give me five minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Any Politician: Don't blame the chicken! Society is to blame. The chicken did cross the road, but he or she was merely a victim of this racist, bigoted, sexist society. We are all to blame, for failing to provide... [blah, blah, blah -- ad nauseam]

A Possum: It was my day off.

Any Calculus Professor: The road, if expressed in the form (y2-y1)/(x2-x1) is approximate for cases where lim(y2-y1)/(x2-x1) as (x2-x1) -> 0, is represented by the derivative, or rate of change, of the road with respect to the chicken, such that the value of the chicken may be assumed equal to the value of (y2-y1)/(x2-x1), for small values of roads.

Any Philosophy 101 Professor: Why not?

Psychiatrist: Without a course of antidepressants and a full year of individual psychotherapy, he wouldn't even have had the motivation to cross the road in the first place.

Radiologist: Cannot say for sure that the chicken actually crossed the road, but I cannot rule out that he didn't either. I would suggest that we order some more tests and perhaps consult with a traffic cop to obtain additional clinical correlation.

Any Redneck: That was a chicken?! Oh damn Bubba, turn around!

UFO Researcher: (1) It was a conspiracy of aliens against chickenkind.
(2) The chicken did not cross the road; it was abducted.

Western New York Retailers: To see the hens in Hens & Kelly's window.

Swedish saying: Fortune follows the chicken who flees it across the road and flees from the chicken who seeks it.

Talmid Class: Well. Why not?

Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side.

Urologist: To serve as ringside physician at the illegal cockfight

New Yorker: Get that freakin' chicken off the freakin' road or I'll break its freakin' neck!

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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