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-=[ Joke Number 445 ]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: The X-Files (29d) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ?

THE FIELD WHERE I DIED: Melissa Riedal-Ephesian: Once, long ago, the chicken and I stood by this road - this is the road where I watched the chicken cross.

Sydney: I don't know why! Why don't you just leave the chicken alone! Leave it alone! It's already been through too much...

PAPER HEARTS: John Lee Roche: I can tell you about the chicken... but you need to help me. I want a deal. Trust a chicken molester?

TUNGUSKA/TERMA: Member of Congress: Answer the question, Miss Road: Where is the chicken, and why is it not here?

EL MUNDO GIRA: Soledad Buente: Because his brother betrayed him.

NEVER AGAIN: Betty: Another chicken in my bed! If it crosses the road, it's dead!!!

Ed Jerse: Can you hear that? She's driving me crazy...She's so jealous...she hates it when chickens cross the road...

LEONARD BETTS: Leonard Betts: He's sorry. But the road had something he needed.

MEMENTO MORI: Dr. Scanlon: The chicken's going to feel like dying.

Kurt Crawford: I saw several chickens, and they were all wearing white lab coats and were headed for the Lombard Research Facility... After all, they want the same thing you want...

TEMPUS FUGIT/MAX: Sgt. Frisch: (nervous) I did it. I made the chicken cross the road.

Sharon Graffia: The chicken wrote to me.. just before he crossed the road. He knew what was going to happen.

Max Fenig: So, I've devoted my life to providing all you disbelievers out there with proof. Proof that there are chickens right now, as we speak, crossing the road in alien ships for purposes of a rather troubling agenda known only to the government, the FBI, and certain high-ranking members of the military/poultry community. Not that they'd ever admit it publicly... of course. Nor would they admit they have salvaged some of this poultry technology and are using it in military applications. No, that would be un-American. And they won't admit it until someone confronts them with unrefutable, undeniable proof. Someone like me. And I should probably mention that I do this at great risk to my personal health and safety. But, hey, when everyday is just another day you're going to be kidnapped by little feathered dudes from Foster Farms, what's a few CIA spooks to worry about?

SMALL POTATOES: Eddie Van Blundht: Let's just say hypothetically that the chicken did cross the road. Now if that's what the road wanted and nobody got hurt, then hypothetically where's the crime? Hmmm, wonder if I can morph my skin to look like feathers???

ELEGY: Chuck Forsch: Oooh! That was me, I did it! I admit it, I did it! I made the chicken cross the road! I'm just a human being after all!

GETHSEMANE: Michael Kritschgau: The chicken was an elaborate hoax all along, planted so that you would believe the lie that chickens existed.

Chris Carter: You'll have to wait until the movie comes out next summer to find out.

Howard Gordon: Because it was too tired to work anymore.

Morgan & Wong: Well, it had left this road to pursue another path, but it came to a dead end, so it returned home to the old road. Now that it was back on that road, though, it didn't seem the same, so eventually it saw a road that it really wanted to be on, and vowed that it would never again return to the original road.

Darin Morgan: Because he saw the comic potential of introducing such a novel concept.

John Shiban: Because it was being chased by El Chupacabra.

Vince Gilligan: Crossing the road was true to the chicken's nature. It was familiar, something that he had done before.

Fanfic writer: Because Chris Carter wasn't letting it go anywhere, and it needed someone to let it cross.

X-Phile: Maybe the chicken is so fed up waiting for the %@#&*@ premeire that it decided to go play in traffic.

Non X-Phile: Who cares? It's just a stupid chicken! It's fictional! Why the heck are you so concerned about chickens, anyway? I just don't see what you see in this whole thing!

Shipper: The chicken and the road had undeniable chemistry and were fated to cross.

NoRoMo: I can't understand why you people can't be satisfied with the chicken walking by the side of the road. Why does the chicken have to cross the road? Why are you focusing on that? It would ruin the chicken!

Jackie St. George: To get a bottle of Labatt's.

SCRIPT:

Mulder: I am telling you it crossed the road!

Scully: And I am telling you, Mulder, there's no such thing as chickens!

MIB uses Flashy Thing : What you just saw was *not* a chicken crossing the road. Some swamp gas got caught in a weather balloon...

SIGHTINGS commercial: Coming up next, two young men claim they witnessed a chicken crossing the road.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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