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-=[ Joke Number 393 ]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: Business (22b) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ? The Businessmen and Businesses (22b)

George Lucas : (1) Because the Force was with it.
(2) You'll have to wait for the next set of movies, 1-3, to find out the real reason why the chicken crossed. The whole point of the current releases, 4-6, is the story of the chicken's redemption crossing.
(3) I originally planned to have a chicken army attack the Stormtroopers on Endor, but the AT-AT walkers kept squishing them
(4) The first chicken crossing scene was underbudget and rushed, so I've used ILM's digital editors to add several more cars and also a school bus, which has nothing to do with story, but I thought looked really cool. The sound effects have been bolstered by the folks at my THX studio, and now, for the first time, you can hear the chicken scream, even though chickens don't really scream, but the sound, I find, helps set the tone of the scene. The chicken itself has been recreated from old footage. We had to edit out the original road and replace it with an updated digital road. It looks nothing like the other roads in the film, but that's okay because I wanted to show the hustle and bustle of a real superhighway, full of the action and of the grand scale that the fans really deserve. The chicken's blaster effects have been improved; now you can clearly see that the Dodge shoots first, making the chicken look less like a cold-blooded killer. That the Dodge missed by about seven feet, even though they were only a lane apart, and that the Dodge had the draw and plenty of time to aim, merely demonstrates the chicken's skill. All in all, the scene is about ten minutes longer, which is still shorter than I originally envisioned, but I felt that adding any more might break the flow of the story. Now the fans can see the chicken cross the road the way it was meant to be seen, on the big screen.

Mercury Energy: If the chicken has the power to cross the road it should expect to lose it. If it has already lost it it should not expect it to return for at least 2 weeks. (Auckland's Electricity company. Responsible for the 2 week blackout)

Rupert Murdoch: We have launched a new channel devoted entirely to chicken crossings which will rival any channel run by Ted Turner.

Peter Norton: It was a virus and it saw me coming.

Nike: Just did it.

Parker Brothers: To go directly to Jail without passing Go and collecting $200.00.

Suzanne Paul: Howmuchwouldyouexpecttopay?Notonlydoyougetthechickenwithwingsbtalsothe roadandifyouareoneofthefirst500callersI'llthrowinthisfabulousnaturalgl owingcrossingwhichthousandsoflumionousbluemonkeyshavepaidhundredsforit '<syoursfree.PriceexcludesGST>,postagepackagingandspecialcondi tionsapply. (Entreprenueress Introduced hard sell advertising to NZ.)

Frank Perdue: (1) It takes a brave chicken to make a chicken tender.
(2)How the heck do I know? Do I look like a chicken to you -- don't answer that.

Patek Phillipe: It is a tradition that transcends time.

R. J. Reynolds: It would walk a mile for a camel.

Gene Roddenberry:To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Col. Sanders: (1) Did I miss one?
(2) It Ran, Suh! I offered it a coating of 11 herbs and spices and it ran, Suh! So I shot it, Suh, shot it while it was trying to escape, suh!

Steven Spielberg: I'm covering this in my new movie, Raiders of the Lost Chicken-Coop, from which all profits will go to my new Chicken Foundation (which my mother, who has experience in these things, is going to head).

George Steinbrenner: (1)Because I offered him a $4 million contract. (2)Because I fired him! (3)Because he's now my new manager. (4)Because I fired him again!

Oliver Stone: (1)The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
(2) He went back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the..

Donald Trump: There are fortunes to be made over there.

Charlie the Tuna: To taste better, not for better taste, but never before its time..

Ted Turner: (1) Chicken crossing is the most popular show on our TSN-5 Channel, easily beating high school tiddly-winks tournements.
(2) The chicken was originally black and white, but we colorized it.

United Airlines: For frequent fryer miles.

Dean Witter: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Dean Witter helped the chicken cross in the old-fashioned way, by earning its own way. Let us show what we can do for your chicken today!

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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