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-=[ Joke Number 369 ]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: The Philosophers (20a) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ?

Nicola Abbagnano: Because it is necessary, Thus can possible and freedom co-exist.

Agesilaus: It is circumstance and proper timing that give crossing the road its character and make it either good or bad.

Albert the Great: He crossed of his own free will after observing the alignment of the heavenly bodies which told him it was opportune to do so.

Aristotle: (1) To actualize its potential.
(2) It is the essense of chickens to cross the road.

Francis Bacon: (1) Only a child can know.
(2) To retain his own dignity without intruding upon the liberty of others.

Jeremy Bentham: For the greatest happiness of the greatest number.

Paul de Man: (1) The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and the other are not really opposites in the first place.
(2) So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist. Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.

Jacques Derrida: (1) What is the difference? The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?
(2) Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD.
(3) The question admits of limitless answers, since there is no one logocentric strategy of discourse that takes primacy over all others.

Rene Descartes: (1) It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
(2) The chicken was merely a machine and was crossing due to the deterministic nature of the universe.

Diogenes: It was looking for an honest bird.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ibn Ezra: It was not a specific chicken, it was any chicken (cf. Rashi)

Viktor Frankl: It was searching for meaning. Georg Wilheim Frederick Hegel: Only through the synthesis of the dialectical chicken and road could the spirit transcend the experience of crossing.

Heschel: If that chicken makes it to the other side I'll be radically amazed!

Thomas Hobbes: By its own free will in the drive for self-preservation in the absence of external impediaments.

Eric Hoffer: When chickens are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Doug Hofstadter:To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Immanuel Kant: (1) Because it was its duty.
(2) The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
(3) The pure transcendental concept of the road, having been deduced a priori and without dependence on intuitions, is given in the mode of the chicken as an end in itself, while crossing the road as a hypothetical imperative, namely, as acting towards some end allowed by Reason.

Soren Kierkegaard: The chicken is dead. The road is nothing.

Levi Lauer: Levinas is the key contemporary thinker on this problem.

Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibnitz: (1) It is a necessity in this best of all possible worlds.
(2) In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Levinas: [Answer completely unintelligible]

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty,

Machiavelli: (1) So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
(2) The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

[ Stan Kegel, ]

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