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-=[ Joke Number 361 ]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: Non-Contemporary (19a) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ? The Authors: Non-Contemporary (19a):

Aesop: The grass is always greener on the other side of the road.

Sholom Aleichem: On one side of the road which lead through the town of Chelm there stood a chicken...

Dante Alighieri: For liberty What is liberty but the unhampered translation of will into act?

Jane Austen: Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being posessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.

Bulwer-Lytton: It was a dark and stormy road, the rain glistening in the headlights of passing wagons, the horses heads' drooping against the wind and the tears from the sky, and their great muscles straining against the weight of the wagon, when the chicken, without looking up, which he could have, and perhaps should have, done, began his arduous trek across the muddy rivulets that ran ultimately into the sound.

Samuel Butler: The chicken crosses through consciousness and intelligence. For even the embryo of the chicken we claim the same kind of reasoning power and contrivance which we claim for the amoeba or for our own intelligent performances in later life.

Albert Camus: (1) The chicken's mother had just died. But this did not really upset him. as any number of witnesses can attest. In fact, he crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.
(2) It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
(3) Seeing that an indifferent world lied on all sides of the road, the chicken knew it would be absurd not too cross, and for that moment, the chicken knew what it was to really be alive. It was if the bird had been asleep its entirely up until this choice was put before him. So, with a newfound determination and a smile, the chicken valiently crossed the road only to be put out of its mercy by an eighteen wheeler.

Miguel de Cervantes: T'is the part of a wise chicken to cross the road today for tomorrow and not venture all his eggs in one basket.

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Thomas De Quincy: Because it ran out of opium.

John Doone: Ask me not for whom the chickens cross. They cross for thee.

Feodor Dostoevski: To be struck by a passing car. The most meaningful reality in life is individual freedom, and the supreme expression of individual freedom is suicide.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: (1) It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
(2) Because all life is an experiment and the more experiments you make, the better.
(3)To be great is to be misunderstood. It embarked on a quest for truth in a society that is in conspiracy against the manhood of everyone of its roosters.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Aldous Huxley: To find a brave new world.

Thomas Hardy:The road was black, the sky was white (and so were the feathers) as the bright red mark on the top of the chicken's head gleamed in the twilight. It was a pure chicken and it was doomed.

Henrik Ibsen: To seek some type of life in which she can be more than a mere doll.

James Joyce: (1) Once upon a time, a nice little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down.
(2): To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race.
(3) Mrs. Hahn, Cock's wife, flapflopped from an ova eggspressed (one l'ouvre, end sot) and charged that lewd brigade into any tennis sun in this faunanimal whirled.
(4) So there'll be iggs for the brekkers come to mournhim, sunny side up with care.

Franz Kafka: (1) I woke up one morning to discover that I had been turned into a chicken. I immediately felt a compulsion to cross the road. I can not say why.
(2) Dieter, now in the form of a chicken, was running from the government's torture machine. The machine, an instrument of death, slowly obliterated the souls of its victims. Dieter was alone. He was running for his life, his insignificant life.
(3) The indifferent maze of tortuous twisted roads criss-crossed one another without reason. But they all lead to the Castle and at the gate stood a guard. The chicken had to pass the guard.

Jack London: To answer the call of the wild.

H. P. Lovecraft: (1) To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous, indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.
(2) To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of madness.
(3) To futilely attempt escape from the dark powers which even then pursued it, hungering after the stuff of its soul! Christopher Marlowe: He sold his soul to the devil.

H. C. Mencken: There's no underestimating the intelligence of the American chicken.

Joe Miller: That was no chicken, that was my wife.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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