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-=[ Joke Number 353 ]=-

 [ << ] Chicken: Authors-Modern (18a) [ >>
Why did the chicken cross the Road ?

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Isaac Asimov: The third law of Chickens states that a chicken must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not injure a human being or disobey an order of a human being.

Clive Barker: He was drawn to the road, and he didn't so much cross the road as the road crossed him. And once across, the chicken entered into a frightening void, filled only with the screams of a thousand agonized souls. The hands of doom reached out of the blackness, strangling the chicken, smothering him, suffocating him. He could not escape, as no one who crosses the road can escape. He was now a prisoner of the Cenobytes, doomed to an eternity of pain.

Ben Bova:To be reunited with beautiful grey-eyed Athena, the woman he has loved for all of time.

Bennett Cerf: The lions on that side were more friendly; he crossed to get to the other pride.

Raymond Chandler: (1) Across these mean streets a chicken must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. He is the hero; he is everything. He must be a complete chicken and a common chicken and yet an unusual chicken. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a chicken of honor - by instinct, by inevitability, withough thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best chicken in his world and a good enough chicken for any world.
(2) She had beady inhuman eyes like strange black jewels and the kind of feathers a bird of paradise might envy. I knew that if they made her a free-range chicken she'd grab the first opportunity and never look back.

Quentin Crisp: The difficulty with chickens is that they are not returnable.

Tom Clancy:The Mark 84 gargleblaster that the chicken carried, at the heart of which was an inferior ex-Soviet excimer laser system, had insufficient range to allow the chicken to carry out its mission from this side of the road.

Harlan Ellison :Because he had no beak and must scream.

William Faulkner: The chicken, weighed down by the burden of a thousand chickens before her who in the swirling dust of the lightbespeckled dusk of far fields in the long gone time of Gettysburg and Cold Harbor and Vicksburg, picked her way through the brown and muddy road as she sought to relive the faded glory and dying dreams of Grandmother--Grandmother whose eggs were sacrificed in one swirling raid upon the General's tent one crisp October morning because Jeb Stuart was lacking coffee.

F. Scott Fitzgerald: The chicken stood at the side of the road, intent upon the green light glowing at day's end.

John Fowles: Roosters love to cross the road because it allows them to look serious. Because it is the one thing that stops hens from laughing at them.

John Grisham: The phone in the chicken coop was bugged.

The Guinness Book of Records: POULTRY: Road Crossings: 6248 chickens, owned by Sarah and Bud Knox, crossed Highway 66 near Des Moines, Iowa, on April 7, l975. The crossing took three hours and twenty-four minutes and resulted in a line of stopped cars for almost two miles.

Robert Heinlein: (1) Because with the freedom the chicken was given, it was the chicken's responsibility to do so.
(2) The more widely dispersed chickens are throughout the Universe, the better the long-term prospects for the survival of the chicken species.
(3) To grok.

Joseph Heller: The chicken had to cross because not crossing meant he would die, a victim Milo's black market. Of course, crossing meant he would die anyway as the jeep zoomed by. So he could have crossed and died. Or he could have stayed put and died. Those were his only choices, so he had to cross. Or not cross.

Ernest Hemingway: (1) To die. In the rain.
(2) Ask me not for whom the chickens cross. They cross for thee.

Eugene Ionesco: He was the last chicken left, and was staying that way until the end.

Jack Kerouac:The chicken hipster, high on tea and the soul groves of Charlie (the bird) Parker, strolled aimlessly on the road looking for his dharma.

Gary Larson: Don't ask me. I am retired.

[ Stan Kegel, kegel@fea.net ]

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