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-=[ Joke Number 3508 ]=-

 [ << ] Rules for City Driving [ >>
Never, EVER slow down when a light turns yellow. If you're within half a block of a stop light when it turns yellow, put the pedal to the metal.

When attempting to enter a street from any parking lot, make sure that at least the front third of your car is sticking out into the nearest lane.

When it starts raining, completely lose your ability to drive and act as if you've never done it before.

Using your turn signals is absolutely prohibited, except in limited circumstances, such as when you're five feet from the corner. NEVER use your signal when you're making a right turn and someone is waiting to pull out into YOUR lane.

A red light is not TRULY red until five seconds after the yellow light goes out.

A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real city driver never uses them.

Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow".

The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork when driving in a no-fault insurance state. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your ABS kicks in - giving you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

Construction signs only tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last availabe exit, but before the traffic begins to back up.

The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They're only there to make your city look high-tech and to distract your attention from the police car parked in the median.

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