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-=[ Joke Number 344 ]=-
| [ << ]|| Learned From James Bond || [ >> ] |
| Lessons In Life I Learned From James Bond: |
- If you loathe backseat drivers use the ejection seat.
- Women will sleep with you no matter what their race, colour, creed, religious belief, marital status or sexual preference. Even if you treat them like dirt or have killed their husbands, fathers etc, they will still sleep with you in the end.
- The British Government has better resources than the Americans.
- All Russians are incompetent idiots, unless they are good- looking.
- Bad guys only operate in exotic locales like Vienna or the Bahamas- never a place like Nebraska or Cleveland.
- Evil genius have two henchmen- one with all brains and no brawn, and one with all brawn and no brains.
- No matter how many crack troops you are up against, you will never be hit by a bullet, minor scratches are the most youll get.
- The wilder the car chase, the lesser the chance of messing up your hair.
- The wilder the car chase the lesser the chance of red lights or pedestrians stopping you- let alone the Police.
- Spies always use dumb code phrases.
- You will never lose in a casino, no matter how crooked it is.
- Money is not a problem.
- Use one- liners wherever possible including the middle of a car chase, when you are just about to shoot someone, when someone is just about to shoot you, when you are about to use a gadget, before you have sex, etc.
- It is perfectly OK to drive a tank through St. Petersburg and catch up with a speeding motor car.
- Hit on the boss secretary at all times.
- 80 year- olds can still head up a goverment department whose sole purpose is to invent new gadgets for the modern spy.
- You will always be told the evil plan BEFORE you are supposed to die.
- Always have a Union Jack parachute handy.
- Be a chauvenist pig at all times, women will sleep with you anyway (see above)
- Everybody of Eastern descent does martial arts like Jackie Chan.
- There is no modern buildings in communist countries.
- Always kill the evil genius last (or second to last).
[ Rodney Hrvatin ]
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