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-=[ Joke Number 329 ]=-
| [ << ]|| Chicken: Religious-Christian (12) || [ >> ] |
| Why did the chicken cross the Road ? |
Peter Abelaird: It was the intention to cross and not the crossing itself that is important.
Earnest Angsley: To be Hayeled! in the name o'Jayeeezus!
Saint Anselm: Only by crossing the road and thereby reflecting the devine reason and will can the chicken realize the truth and rightness of chickenly existance.
Saint Thomas Aquinas: It was a thing of beauty done with integrity, harmony and brilliance.
Aricenna: Crossing the road is a necessary attribute of a chicken's essential nature
Jacobus Arminius: By God's grace, salvation depends upon the cooperation of the chicken's will as by crossing he becomes sufficiently strong to overcome the temptations of evil.
Saint Augustine: It reflects the presence of the divine reason.
Karl Barth: It is predetermined. What the chicken achieves in relation to God is due to God. There is no other truth.
George Berkeley: It is immaterialistic and a conceptual absurdity that a chicken would cross the road for any other purpose than that being God's will.
Jacob Boehme: When I saw the chicken cross the road, I saw the Being of Beings, the Byss and Abyss, the eternal generation of the trinity and the origin and descent of the world and of all creatures through the Devine Wisdom.
John Calvin: So God can reveal his goodness, glory, wisdom, power and justice.
Aleister Crowley: Because it was its True Will to do so.
Bishop of Durham: Or was it the egg? We can never be sure. Or can we?
Jonathan Edwards: It is foredained by God's prescience and omniscience.
Martin Luther: It is a matter of faith not reason.
Mary Baker Eddy Patterson: To cure itself.
The Pope: That is only for God to know.
Pope John Paul: Crossing the road is a sin that risks eternal damnation.
Oral Roberts: (1)He couldn't raise the $10,000,000.00 so God called him home.
(2)And I said to the chicken: "Put your claw on the screen! Put your claw on the screen, upon the hand of Brother Oral, and you shall be healed. Make a love offering of $50 or more, and then touch the screen. And that chicken did put his claw on the screen. And the power of God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, flowed through me and out through that television set, and that chicken was healed *PRAISE GOD!*. And then that chicken, stricken for so many months, rose up and walked across the road. But, since he had forgotten his love offering, God never warned him about the 30 ton semi barreling down on the crosswalk...."
Pat Robinson: To escape the asteroid on Gay Day.
Junipero Sierra: To spread the word to his flock.
Mother Teresa: I see God in every chicken. When I watch the chicken cross, I feel I am watching the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?
Dr. Jack Van Impe: Well you see, here's the really exciting part, if we were to look at Revelation 17:3 we will see that the Whore of Babylon rides on a scarlet beast. A scarlet beast! What this means is a Rhode Island Red. And the truly glorious thing is that this beast, this Rhode Island Red, this chicken has crossed the road exactly as was prophesized in the Bible and this is all a sign, Revelation 17:3, that we're living in the End Time. Hallelujah! And if you would like more information on the significance of this chicken crossing the road as all part of God's great plan then send me $50 and you will recieve this set of video tapes along with a copy of my recent book "Chickens: fowl beast, or foul beast?".
[ Stan Kegel, email@example.com ]
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