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-=[ Joke Number 2347 ]=-

 [ << ] Truisms [ >>
I know that you're nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.

Sex is a three-letter word which needs some four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

When life seems like an uphill climb, take comfort in the fact that you're mooning everyone behind you.

Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, while others only gargle.

If you need a helping hand, look at the end of your arm.

Some people's brains are like the prison system ... not enough cells per person.

Vitamins are good for what ails you. Viagra is good for what fails you.

When you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers.

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

A true friend thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do so for you.

Some people bring happiness wherever they go; others bring happiness whenever they go.

If men are so competent, how come you always see signs reading DANGER - MEN WORKING

Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it.

If life hands you lemons ... stick them down your shirt and make your boobs look bigger.

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

Birthdays only come once a year ... aren't you glad you're not a birthday?

To be successful at fishing, you should get there yesterday, when the fish were biting.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

In a relationship with a woman, a man can either be right or get laid, but never both.

If a bi-sexual were to turn up missing, would they put his picture on a carton of Half & Half?

Don't criticize your wife ... if she were perfect, she would have married much better than you.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the Hell happened!

I got a postcard from a blonde friend of mine. It said, "Having a good time. Where am I?"

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the world after they inherit it.

Are golf balls as painful as athlete's foot?

Never trust a man with short legs ... His brain is too near his ass.

Everyone wants to save the earth, but nobody wants to help with the dishes.

Love is a complicated machine ... sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."

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