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-=[ Joke Number 227 ]=-

 [ << ] Computer Trek [ >>
 I was watching Star Trek II again last night when suddenly I had this vision 
 of what would happen if instead of a duel between starships, 
 it was computer systems. What resulted is this: 
 Kirk:   What is the meaning of this attack? 
 Khan:   Surely I have made my meaning clear.  I mean to avenge myself 
         upon you, Admiral.  I deprived your system of UUCP connections 
         and when I swing around I mean to deprive you of your life. 
         But I wanted you to know who it was who had beaten you. 
 Kirk:   Khan, if it's me you want, I'll have myself rcp'ed over.  Spare 
         my crew. 
 Khan:   I make you a counter-proposal.  I'll agree to your terms, if ... 
         if in addition to yourself you hand over to me all data and 
         materials regarding the project called UUNET. 
 Kirk:   UUNET?  What's that? 
 Khan:   Don't insult my intelligence, Kirk. 
 Kirk:   Give me some time to recall the data from our archives. 
 Khan:   I give you sixty seconds. 
 Kirk:   Clear the bridge. 
 Spock:  At least we know he doesn't have UUNET. 
 Kirk:   Keep nodding as though I'm still giving orders.  Mr. Saavik, 
         punch up the data charts of Reliant's password file. 
 Saavik: Reliant's pass... 
 Kirk:   Hurry. 
 Khan:   Forty-five seconds Admiral. 
 Spock:  The free login? 
 Kirk:   It's all we've got. 
 Saavik: File's up, sir. 
 Khan:   Admiral. 
 Kirk:   We're finding it. 
 Khan:   Admiral. 
 Kirk:   Please.  Please you've got to give us time.  The machine room is 
         smashed, the editors inoperable. 
 Khan:   Time is a luxury you don't have, Admiral. 
 Kirk:   Damn. 
 Khan:   Admiral? 
 Kirk:   It's coming through now, Khan. 
 Spock:  Reliant's free login is 16309. 
 Saavik: I don't understand. 
 Kirk:   You have to learn why things work on a UNIX system. 
 Spock:  Each system has its own hidden free login. 
 Kirk:   To prevent an enemy from doing what we're attempting.  We're 
         using our console to order Reliant to let us login. 
 Spock:  Assuming he hasn't changed the combination.  He's quite 
 Khan:   Fifteen seconds, Admiral. 
 Kirk:   Khan, how do we know you'll keep your word? 
 Khan:   Oh, I've given you no word to keep, Admiral.  In my judgement, 
         you simply have no alternative. 
 Kirk:   I see your point.  Stand by to receive our mail message.  Mr. 
         Sulu, lock an Internet connection on target and await my order 
         to login. 
 Sulu:   Connection pending. 
 Khan:   Time's up, Admiral. 
 Kirk:   Here it comes.  Now, Mr. Spock. 
 Spock:  % telnet reliant 
 Connected to reliant. 
 Escape character is '~'. 
 M-6 Duotronic 
 U.S.S. Reliant, NCC-1864 
 Spock:  login: 16309 
 Joachim: Sir, the Enterprise is logging on. 
 Khan:   Kill them. 
 Joachim: I can't! 
 Khan:   Where's the chroot call?  The chroot call! 
 Kirk:   Fire. 
 Sulu:   % su 
 Kirk:   Fire! 
 Sulu:   # rm -rf / 
 Khan:   Reboot, reboot! 
 Joachim: We can't reboot! 
 Khan:   Why can't you!? 
 Joachim: They've corrupted the file system and the /etc directory!  Sir, 
         we must power-cycle. 
 Khan:   No! 
 Joachim: Sir, we must! 
 And the rest is (ahem) history. 
 [ Jeff Okamoto ] 

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