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-=[ Joke Number 2079 ]=-

 [ << ] Quotable Quotes [ >>
Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.
Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
Boldly going nowhere.

CAUTION - Driver legally blonde
Don't be sexist - broads hate that!
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway.
He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
I need someone really bad...are you really bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots...I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Sometimes I wake up Grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
Born again pagan.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
Forget about World Peace - Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Hang up and drive.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

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