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-=[ Joke Number 201 ]=-

 [ << ] Internet Oracle: 907-10 [ >>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Most wondrous Oracle, with impeccable taste in neckties, please
> answer the plea of this most lowly & unworthy of supplicants.
>
> My museum of chinese teak Buddhas has been besieged by vandals.
> Woodchucks, no less.
>
> They first gained entry by picking the locks on the windows, so
> I put wire grates up, too small for their fat, furry little bodies
> to pass through. That worked for a while.
>
> Then, they had themselves shipped into the building via Federal
> Express. So we put all packages through an x-ray machine, and
> we microwave the little miscreants when we find them.
>
> After that, they began entering through the bathrooms, coming
> up through the toilets like sewer-rats. So we pour parafin oil
> in the bowls each night (it works for the afore-mentioned rats,
> after all).
>
> That worked for a week, despite the incident with that unfortunate
> security guard. (He came into the john, sat down & lit a cigarette,
> then threw the match in, between his legs. The resulting explosion
> blew him across the room & broke a leg; he then suffered 4 cracked
> ribs when the paramedics asked what happened, and laughed so hard
> they dropped the stretcher down the staircase.)
>
> Now the slimy little suckers are using scuba gear, and the oil
> just isn't working. The Buddhas are just about ate up, I'm afraid
> they'll move on to the Trojan Wooden Horse collection next.
>
> Please help us...what do we do now?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Actually, I think your problem may go away after they finish off the
} Buddhas. These woodchucks are obviously Hungary woodchucks (as
} demonstrated by their voracious eating habits), and Hungary woodchucks
} are exclusively Buddha Pests.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Deli Llama (which is another story in its own right).

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