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-=[ Joke Number 1590 ]=-
| [ << ]|| Retirement Plan || [ >> ] |
| As a result of automation as well as declining workload, Management must of necessity take steps to reduce our work force. A reduction in force plan has been developed which appears the most equitable under the circumstances. |
Under the plan, older employees, will be placed on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of employees who represent the future of the company.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year via early retirement will be placed into effect immediately. The program shall be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).
Employees who are RAPED will be given an opportunity to seek other jobs within the company, provided that while they are being RAPED they request a review of their employment status before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also apply for a final review. This will be known as SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Program policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED twice, but may get the SHAFT as many times as the company deems appropriate.
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